Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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