I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
