Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You pole danced in your parka.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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