She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
