I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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