How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
