The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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