shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
