his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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