so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
