I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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