I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
