Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
