i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
