My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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