I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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