I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
