im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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