I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
