I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think i scared a bird with my dick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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