I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
