Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
