i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
