i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
