Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
