You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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