You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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