So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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