All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
