Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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