is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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