just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
