toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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