he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
