HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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