omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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