just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
