Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
