I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
