She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
