You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
