I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
