please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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