Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
