So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
