"it" just moved
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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