Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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