The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
