how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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