well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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