i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
