Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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