For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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