Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
