its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
