so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
