I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i barfeds in our rink
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
